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Please Stop Asking When I'm Getting Married

"When are YOU getting married?"

This is a question that has begun to haunt me as an unmarried, unengaged woman in a long-term relationship. Well, that and "when are you going to have kids?" But, that's a subject to broach another time.

What do you say to that? It's not as if we've secretly gotten engaged, set a date and haven't told anyone. Responding truthfully with "I don't know" doesn't seem like the right response.

I've learned to brace myself at gatherings and social functions (especially weddings) for this inevitable question. 

Now, I am completely aware that the asker is simply trying to take an interest in my life and that the question is meant in a completely harmless way. I don't take offense to it, I just get asked this A LOT.

You know who doesn't get asked this question...like ever?

My boyfriend.

I recall an event a while back where I fielded this question about half a dozen or more times. On our way home, I asked him how many times he was asked about it. His response? 

"Ummm zero."

WHAT?

So I asked if he'd ever been asked that question. "Never."

In fact, he was somewhat surprised that getting asked this question seemed to be such a trending theme in my social outings.

This also begs the question, "Why aren't people asking the person who can actually somewhat control this situation?"

And I know, I know. It's 2019, the woman can do the asking now, but no. We may not be the most traditional of couples, but some things are sacred to us and neither one of us wants me doing the asking.

I would personally feel robbed of a moment that I've waited my whole life for. The moment of the love of my life getting down on one knee and asking me to be his partner forever.

And, while I don't want to speak for him, I think he would feel robbed of a big life moment, too.

As a result of my findings, I started trying to deflect by giving a tongue-in-cheek response like, "You'll have to ask him." At least then we could shoulder the burden together, right?

But, I don't really like this response either, as I feel it can come off like I'm frustrated with my current relationship status, and that couldn't be further from the truth. It is simply a question for which I have no response.

Also, he ain't goin' anywhere. A proposal and a ring would just be the sparkly icing on an already pretty amazing (and damn delicious) cake, so I'm really not worried about it. You probably shouldn't be either.

If marriage is something you'd like to discuss with the unmarried person in your life, maybe try something like, "Have you two talked about it?" or "Is marriage something you two want?" Maybe even ask yourself if this is something you'd want to be asked if the situation were reversed.

By asking me those questions, I can at least have some input and give you a genuine response. After all, we can't really set a date until we've both mutually and oficially decided to take that all important step.

And so, for myself, as well as my fellow unmarried women (althought, I can't speak for all of them), please stop asking when we're getting married, because we don't have an answer. (Also, you'll most likely be getting an invite when/if it eventually happens. We promise.) Or, at the very least, spread the love and ask both parties in the relationship. I'd hate for anyone to feel left out.

See ya at the next wedding! (Probably not mine).

Carly

PS~If you have an appropriate response to this question, I'd love to hear it! Let me know in the comments or feel free to email me right here!


Comments

  1. I'm a little surprised that he has never had someone ask. Once I turned 18 my mom was asking if there was someone special and when she was going to get grandkids. Unfortunately 20 years later I still have never had anyone in my life. I guess my two little brothers were her backup grandkid plan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was pretty surprised, too! I'm glad I have my sisters to fulfill the grandkid needs for my parents, too lol

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