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I Slept Funny And Now I'm Dying

Okay, maybe not "dying," but omg.

I woke up and realized it hurts to turn my head. TURN MY HEAD. 

I have such a massive knot in the left side of my neck, it would make a sea captain proud...or at least my old Girl Scout troop leader.

And why, you ask? Why am I in such horrendous pain? What is the cause of this completely over-dramatic post? 

I flipping SLEPT WRONG. 


My neck hurts, because I apparently slept standing on my head while breakdancing. That's the only position I can think of that would make any sense for how I'm feeling right now.

I really don't mind aging, I just mind the "my body is falling apart" part of aging. As a kid, I could sleep on just a blanket on a concrete floor with no pillow and wake up the next day feeling AWESOME. Now, I basically need to have a heating pad on top of a Tempurpedic on top of another Tempurpedic on top of a fluffy cloud just to wake up feeling like I may've been human at one point in my life.

Okay, I may be over-exaagerating just a bit, but ugghhh. It's time to dig into my "I'm too young for this $#*!" emergency kit and pull out the big guns, because I can't go on like this and I really miss looking to the left. 

Also, while I enjoy my boyfriend's neck massages immensley, one of my dogs always tries to weasel in on the action.

1. Epsom Salt

If you don't develop a deep appreciation for epsom salt as you age, then maybe no one has ever imparted this wisdom on you or you're Benjamin Button.

Epsom salt is seriously a multi-tasking wonder product. Like, if women were a mineral, they'd be epsom salt. There's even a handy guide about 50 different ways to use it on Amazon.

But to name a few, it's a hair volumizer, mild-sunburn-poison-ivy-bee-sting-bug-bite-reliever, exfoliator, laxative, splinter-remover, inflammation reducer, and sore muscle soother. 

And, it's ridiculously cheap. This 4lb bag will only run you a little over $1 a pound on Amazon.

I don't even think that's the complete list, but either way, I'm pouring two cups into a hot bath and my aging butt is staying there until it's time to go to work tomorrow.

2. Neck Massager

Oh, yes please. I received one of these babies as a gift a few years ago and it has saved me from not being able to look left several times since then.

You can find them for all sorts of different price ranges, but here's this bad boy with a 5-star rating that ALSO comes with a back massager. 

I may be asking for a new one for Christmas....

3. Deep Relief Essential Oil

Thanks to having an Essential Oilopedia as a bestie, I've come to rely on a few key products to aid in keeping my body from falling apart entirely (not unlike the movie "Death Becomes Her." She's basically the Bruce Willis to my Goldie Hawn). 

One of these key products, pure grade Deep Relief Essential Oil.

It makes me go from "AHHHH" to "OHHHH" and now I know why they're called "Essential" Oils.

4. Lavendar Scented Neck Wrap

I. LOVE. My. Neck. Wrap. I snagged a deal at Marshall's and picked mine up as a Christmas gift to myself for C-H-E-A-P (a good bargain is always helpful is untensing my neck, as well). You can see my pretty red velvet one under the Deep Relief in the pic above. 

Now, you definitely don't have to go with a scented one, especially if you're sensitive to smells. However, I recommend it because crawling into bed with a warm neck wrap and the scent of lavendar makes me feel fancy, and darn it, I want you to feel fancy with me.

This wrap has both lavendar AND peppermint, plus can double for cold therapy in addition to heat. That's like, quadruple the fancy!

There are many options in the unscented variety, too. Here's one made of soft fleece that can be used on any achy-breaky part of your body. Imagine the possibilities!! (That time of the month, amirite, ladies?)

I'm now going to go implement all of these with a glass of wine. I hope you never lose your ability to look left, but if you ever do, I hope you'll think of me.


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